Jacqueline琪

My photo
K.L, SELANGOR, Malaysia
I wishs to share my happiness and sadness. I like privacy very much. I like to disappear when I cannot find solutions to my own problems, but I would feel better if I share my thoughts with a person I trust. Yes,I hope you are.

08 March 2009

无声的哭泣

昨天
我从彭亨回来了
昨午
我写起部落格来了
昨晚
鼓起勇气告诉爸爸了
又发生了一点事
怎知
我的情绪不听话 输给了眼泪
结果
躲在被单里
稀里哗啦的不能控制
就这样的
无声地哭泣 伴我入眠了
I'll okay.
还有 谢谢你 谢谢

今天的中午12点
打开眼睛
我觉得舒服了许多
妈妈连续叫我起床两次
第一次时 眼睛睁不开
第二次时 我终于起床了
照着镜子的时候
我吓了一跳!
我的眼睛...眼睛...变小了很多
梳洗之后
我马上用上mascara 不然我的小眼睛丁点生气也没有
之后
就和妈妈去吃"早餐"了
擂茶饭...饱极了!

现在
坐在电脑荧幕前
可能会追看珠光宝气,盛世仁杰......

别的再说吧~




After 4 days我还是不懂怎样

BISA :C+
Q.S :C
MACRO :C+
F.O.A :F
ENG :B-
BM :B-
STASTISTIC :F
MICRO :F

Result of semester 2.:(
SHIT man~~~

Still the same of the result of resit paper.Damn disappointed.I know to do during exam,what I expected is I can pass it.For this semester,I failed F.O.A-the subject I most worry and not understand.

I don't think to keep resit.For me,it' waste in my time even I really wish to continue the course.

YOU can't feels the kind of feelings happens on me.I suffer too when anyone said to me:"don't stop,continue your studies,just resit,if not it is really wasted.The half way almost to reachs,It' not worth if you stop it.What you going to work after you quit?Think properly".WHAT yours telling me,I have listens to.It'impossible that I not understand what yours told me,right?Everybody wish to get a bright future,having a luxury life for myself and family,there including me.But at the end,I still need be tough to stand myside,because I have to facing everyone around me.For those are disagree about me,I don't know how to explain of my reason,that why I keep quite.For SOME of them disagree but GIVES support to me,I appreciate much.For my lovely parents..I owe daddy and mummy--SORRY--..Be honestly,I not to make disappointed to you and waste their money.They give expectations on me since I was small,now I growing up and I have responsibility to put much effort to achive my wish and give the best things for them when they getting old.But now,I made a wrong decision and have to change to another way.For this moment,I really realize there'lots of differences in mind and"mouth-talk" while aged is going up..

我想了好久, 我认为停止这课程是我的选择.
我对它厌倦了,我吸收不到.

我没真正的决定是因为我顾虑很多方面的元素..不只是因为我本身的问题...
其实我真的很心烦很辛苦,我不敢诉,身体的问题.心里的问题.以后的问题.
连我都厌自己烦了,

更何况是他人?
一听到我说要停学,
他们会一直劝我继续读,不然会后悔,考不了再考过..
之前作了选择,现在路都走了一半,为何给浪费掉? 不值得!..
问我为什么别人能,而我不能?再辛苦别人也敖得过,为什么我又不能?..
普通的高中文凭怎么找工做,现在去做工不会高薪,能做什么? ..
不读书能做什么?揾食艰难..
边做工边再找有兴趣的课程是骗人的,因为做工了就不会有读书的念头了..


体会到呼吸能那么困难,每一次听你们这样说我的心被扯一次..
我不想解释我的看法,因为你们是不认同不支持我放弃的.
唯一我确定的是我明白你们的用心,怕我后悔做决定.
坦白说,我是怕可是我会面对,什么事情都是自己的意愿,无论怎样也没资格去责怪..
你们说现在不适合工作,更要努力去拥有一个为将来而设的理想前进...
这些...通通...我都知道.. 我也没有理由说不懂因为这是事实!

可能我会拥有一条更好的路*可能我会工作的好好*可能我会报读其他的课程*
我们有太多的可能, 我不相信我永远是不幸运不努力的那一个~

此刻我是有着那种只能体会而不会说话的感觉,变成我不懂怎么去解释..唉:(
每个人的观点都不一样吧,理所当然的我也是那一个..

或许我是对的.................................................
错的.............................................................
除此之外,我不知要怎样.

写着这篇的时候,
突然妈进了我房间.
她看见桌上的饼干和FERRERO ROCHER 的包装纸后 ,就问我:"又吃巧克力和饼干?"
我说:"是的."
她又问我:"你不怕的吗?"*意思是肥*
我答:"我不是吃多啦!"
她没出声,我后补一句:"我很烦不是吃咯~" 她就出去了.
那一刻我眼泪掉了,我压抑的情绪想爆发了.



04 March 2009

平凡的一天

倒数三天!!!
成绩要揭晓了......

说真的,没把握!还是要做决定
因为害怕,更不想去知道成绩有多烂
像上次一样,
神经交错的感觉又涌出来了,
一定会失眠,
一直听见心砰砰跳的声音,
...请你保佑我... 保佑我 ...

我不否认我是个逃避现实,没勇气的人.
我不敢再轻易地对自己许下承诺,
更何况是对家人?朋友?或别人?
渐渐地,可能是我不喜欢听别人说什么~承诺~
承诺是要在他人面前用行动来证明的,不是吗?


昨晚接到driving centre的来电,
她问我几时要开始学车?突然,我讲不出声,我似不够时间去整理好我的事,真好笑!
我就干脆说下星期才开始咯.. 之后再等他们的通知.
哇 -----好期待-----
不懂到时的我学车的状况会如何的~勇往直前吧!哈哈

最近,又看腻了自己的头发,闷闷的
想发泄一下
coming soon 的星期四
我又想再染发了,行吗?
不知妹会“赞助”我吗?嘻嘻
看情况吧****

今天不知怎搞的?我整天在发呆叻!==
可能是睡眠不够吧!都习惯了啦:)
还有今天上课不到一个小时就放课了,无聊!
之后和朋友去肯德基
蛮久没吃cheezy wedges了..好吃!!
惨的是,
又肥死了!:(
下次还是不要了.
回家时,还真怕下起雨来耶..

前天听玲说他拜六回去彭亨,
我就说:我也要去!
怎知道...
今天她告诉我说:妈咪叫你也一起去玩
真的吗?嘻嘻...
我笑了以来,因为那天我只是说说而已哦..
但其实也蛮想去的~
去走走,放松下自己也好嘛..
不过呢,如果没跟着去,
我也不会怎样..
起码今天的对话已让我开心下了嘛^-^


现在 7点27分
看着房间的窗外
天渐渐暗淡了
是时候洗个澡,吃晚餐了
但我不是很想吃饭
你们吃饱了吗?
陪我吃,好吗?^^
*没人听见我,只能看见我写的*
像白痴一位:)

byebye...

27 February 2009

心情很乱

这阵子,我的心情起起落落..比起在二月,今天我的心情舒缓下来了,是时候放空脑袋,重新思考了。今早收到简讯,莹说一起去吃东西,早上1030,我就像条大死虫,不舍得怕起床来了。最近我的睡眠起床时间已颠倒极点了,不正常!梳洗和准备完后,就等他放学来载我了。
怎知道,肚子突然饿了咧,等着等着又想去见周公了,哈哈。。下午一点多,车到了,我的早餐终于到了:)之后伦也有去耶,蛮久没和他一起同桌了.嘻嘻..我们去了咖啡馆..有好吃的面,甜到爆的ice-cream,还有脆脆爽口的鲍鱼菇..哇..虽然简单的"早餐",但我满足..^^我说我要放弃学业去做工,我说我要半工读,我说我要换课程..他们和我聊了很多很多..他们试着帮忙我,分担我状况,开导我,解释给我听..我是感动,我明白他们的用心..真的...我懂得.我会认真.谢谢....谢谢...
回到家,满脑都装着话语,我好像有点失了魂,反应有点迟钝..原因只有一个,"想!想!想!",结果跑去追看珠光宝气..直到夜晚时,莹有打电话给我,和他聊了蛮久,不知怎么说.感谢他的体会,他有叫我不能做工!要想清楚才作决定,我知道了!虽然有很多东西要烦,但我还是躲不了,要自己去面对.说真的,我摇晃,就好像站在一个不平衡的跷跷板上.更感谢的是当我知道他有帮我survey一下东西时.
话题转到另一个频道...家敏说想和我通电,后来他有拨电和我聊..谢谢他的关心..好久都没通电话的朋友,突然的一个call说真的有点意外,也很欣慰..他叫我不要放弃,都已走到了第三学期,为什么不继续呢?我告诉他:我没有心,我怕..我是想继续,但真的好像不行...他要我不要那么悲观,是辛苦但也要坚持走下去..他也告诉我很多的原哲,例子..我是我,别人做到我却做不到,"毅力就是那么的少,少得可怜."*我不否认莹说的这句* 一切一切我都有听进去,但我一时无法告诉他我的决定,因为我真得很迷乱..所以我想说成绩揭晓那一天,可能我就知道了...希望我做怎样的决定都好,可能你会对我失望,但还是希望你会支持我..
有一点让我奇怪的是,
当我和身边的人面对着谈到自己的问题时,我没什么能哭出来。可是,每一通电话聊时,泪光就会在眼睛里打转着。为什么?这是感触吗?maybe.
泪流了,就要擦干,伤心了,就要释怀.


p/s:纵使我处处隐藏着自己,
原来身边的人还是关心我的.我会试着努力摆脱..

晚安

19 February 2009

Addicted:)

Pussycat Dolls-I HATE THIS PART




I give 5 stars*****
nice song!!!~AWESOME~yeah!

COME and SING together^^
...I can't take it any longer,thought that we were stronger
,all we do is linger,slipping through my fingers
I don't wanna try now,all that's left's goodbye to,find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here...

18 February 2009

Photo taken on 17 February 2009

don't panic!from left to right,Ugly V.S Pretty
The VINCCI
Smiles:)


Cute yer~

shut up!the peoples behind of us :S
messy hair..
U're so thin.and U're so fat.


she looks naturally:)

What I've bought..................
  • I bought a 2G memory card at only RM18, a card reader worth RM10 after discount,2 of handphone cover only RM10*one is jolene's* and a mobile case woth Rm12.5o at sungei wang !omg~~~I cann't believe of it")
  • That why I asked the stuff:"sure bo?why so cheap?"he said:"ya.it' cheap because got promotion now,buy la..."haha..
  • I still hesitated after bought all items above,a bit worrying because "not expensive things is low in quality??"~haha~and the boy told me that got 1 month warranty of some product.However,just let it..see how long time the things I use for...^^
  • In the watson,I bought GERVENNE facial foam and toner which are recommended by the sales girl.Before of this,I want to try the products of Avene.But then,she asked to try GERVENNE and the prices not expensive also,total cost of both below RM20..anyone can afford on it.So,I try^^(hmm..not bad after I try just now:))
  • Do you have try to wears waist trimmer before?I think almost no,right?because it is not necessary for urs..but for me,it brings some essential by wearing this.yeah~I bought one again :)If you want to try,must be patient because it'll very itchy after remove off from ur waist..haha:)

Check it out!!!Just Dance by Lady Gaga



RedOne, Konvict
GaGa, oh-oh, eh

I've had a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
A dizzy twisted dance, can't find my drink, oh man
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth, oh oh oh-oh
How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside outright
Control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say
And we're all getting hosed tonight, oh oh oh-oh

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just

Woo! Let's go!

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's symphonic
Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint electronic

Go! Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Don't slow! Drive it, clean it, Lysol, bleed it
Spend the last dough
(I got it)
In your pocko
(I got it)

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance


p/s:she is amazing !:)